I would like to do more writing this year, and that is part of the reason my blog went private. It's not that I am afraid of what family members will say but it is based on a verse that I cling too when I have a hard time with all that has happened with Tom's family. The verse is Luke 12:51-53, that says, "Do you think that I have come to give peace on earth? No, I tell you, but rather division. For from now on in one house there will be five divided, three against two and two against three. They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law." What is so hard to grapple with is my desire to control the situation and my heart. As a Christian I feel as if "all must be right" in order for my walk to be right, relationally that is. I have had to give this up and my control which frankly has caused more problems and from their point of view a lack of love of Christ, what they feel is true Christianity. I have had to rest in Him and His plan and let me tell you it is not looking like what I thought would be "His plan." On the other hand, with my security now being in Christ and not man, I am so much stronger and bolder that I have to check my heart often on the other spectrum. Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one wrestling with this dilemma, but I know that is not true. A situation happened yesterday with my oldest son at a lunch where he was basically told that he was becoming a man and questioned if he was living how he wanted or if it was because of our rules and beliefs "imposed" on him. That he could basically go out and do things whatever that may be and not be considered a "bad" person. I am grateful that my son seemed to be able to articulate his faith, that his faith is now his own and that his parents helped guide that direction. My prayer is that his passion and growth continues. It's very hard when there is division between families and that division is due to Christ but what seems to make it seem more difficult is when a family claims Christ as well, but it's not the whole Christ. Isn't that the culture these days? "My own personal Jesus and "your own personal Jesus" however that looks is ok but don't tell me I have it wrong. So, this continues into this New Year with much prayer and realizing that it might not be "the way" I would think it should be and that has to be ok.
My next reflective is on a more personal level. It's truly me being reflective on my life. On my decisions and where I am at right now. It's thinking about regrets and coming right before the Lord. It's spending more time with Him. It's about passion. Where's the passion? Comfort, I am too comfortable I think, but I am serving and discipling but is it enough? It's about church. I have so been thinking about how church "looked" when it was young. Meeting in homes because they could not meet in a large corporate way but what the benefits of that were as well. Church has become "big", especially out here and although I am so so blessed to sit under godly, gifted teachers and preachers, it has become so "big" that there is much politics in that, much to cause disunity. More and more churches taking stands against some very godly men, albeit they might have different approaches and I wouldn't maybe do everything as they do, but they love the Lord and what is happening is a disunity amongst believers. I think as time gets more to the end there will continue to be a "clouding" causing a split from a unity of very strong Bible teaching pastors. So, when I think about this and I make myself aware of emerging, versus emergent vs post modern and so on (which I do want to be educated in these), I wonder how far off we have gotten from what mattered, what is salvific and how that is affecting our church today and especially the body of believers.
Lastly, I am just examining, taking time to pray this year on what the Lord would have for us and praying for contentment but not complacency.
These are more the things I wanted to write on in my blog. I enjoy the pictures and journaling the fun moments in my life, the ups and downs, but I want the freedom to speak more what is on my mind and what the Lord is teaching me.
May I be more faithful this year to my time with my Lord, still doing the "good stuff", still serving but more quiet as well.
